another melancholy drama.

when we got what we want and what we need, it doesn't mean
the world will have mutual feelings towards us. that's when we
receive hurdles.

for a lot of times in my life, i have chosen to be the quitter.
put my fate on the ground and see where the wind will blow me to.
Or just hitch a ride with the coming storm and be hit by lightning.
i have always give up hope when i feel like everything is failing me and
i cannot do anything to make things better. I drop things in the middle of the road,
hoping someone would pick it up and mend it for me.

somehow, after so much of not trying to make things work for myself,
i took my chances and put on effort so that things will work for me.
in making that happen, i have crushed somebody else's dream. someone else's future which
they have planned on for years. In return, i got what i want but with complications.

rejection and hatred.

faced with two things that i am most weak at, i almost collapse.
i tried to patch up things to at least create a new dream for those i've crushed.
taking responsibility is a must. putting a fake smile is an easy task that i do everyday.
starting a conversation which is mostly replied with rejection, i am immuned to already.
supress the old feelings, putting aside my pride, i am still learning to be an expert on it.

emotionally, i've been much better and i hope things are working out well for others too.
i certainly cannot predict the future, but i can only plan.

sometimes, u've had that 80% which u need. but the 20% that u're not getting is just too enticing when it appears in front of u.

and most of the times, we gave up the 80% we've had and it took a very long period to realize that what a big mistake we have done and there's
nothing we can do to turn back time.

as for now, let's not repeat those silly mistakes shall we?


"little that I know, some people would give up the world for me. but i knew too little to realize that offer earlier."

perhaps I would have another offer standing if I'm lucky enough.


p/s: i realized i wrote more melancholic post than happy energetic ones.

as i turned 22.

I am officially 22 years old. oh yes, I've existed in this world for 22 YEARS! as how my lil sister puts it when she knew i'm already 22, "wah besarnye nombor!". i somehow glad that i grew up with much more blessing than i could have imagined. i am now working as a geologist, not earning that much but enough to sustain my shopaholic livinghood and enough to keep my food, aka my best friend close to my heart (or stomach).

At this point of time, i think i'm spending more time working than living like an ordinary 22 year old. but then again, how is an ordinary way of living as a 22 year old? maybe, thinking about exams, and problems with bf/gfs. perhaps, being excited over the new high tech gadgets. (not to say i'm not excited when i see new laptops). However, deep down, i still get really excited (i mean REALLY) with the sight of baskin robin's cafe in Pavvy, Haagen Dasz's choc fondue and the new blackberry! oh oh, also when the SALE sign been hung on the window of Nine West boutique .(well, that's just my inner shopaholic voice trying to yell something).

Just now i read a line posted in Ajjie's blog which says, " What would you do now if you're not afraid?". Honestly, if I am not afraid of job security, possibility of not being able to support myself, I would have leave this job and joined an advertising company or go for a baking and patisserie course and make myself the best dessert maker you've ever met! But then again, the small voice inside me says, stick to this course that has been laid out for me, because this will benefit me in the future. I know God never let me down, only I, a mere human who did so many mistakes in this 22 years of life, let Him down. I will be a better person. InsyaAllah.

and as usual, some notes to a few people.

Nada's post on her operation left me shocked and filled up with guilt since I've been this close (in Msia) but still couldn't keep myself updated with her. Nada, I didn't forget you, I planned on visiting you soon. maybe during any free weekend. =)

Birdie, I know you're trying your best to change your life and move on, I'm glad you're still not giving up. I'm sorry if I have been very honest about a few things but I really need to wake u up. I'm a friend who won't let you be swallowed by some useless stuff. ok birdie? I'm away but you can still email me. =)

yg lain lain, sorry if i hven't been replying sms or answering calls because if i'm at the office, my hp will be apart from me. if i'm offshore lg lahhhhh...

that's it for now, i hope second time on rig I won't collapse lah.

XoXo

p/s: i've updated my blog!!!!=D and u reminded me about that. tq!

being in a tight seal.

i would say, i have been taken aback by the awkwardness that we both felt (i'm sure you felt it too) when i came to visit you last summer. I was really happy to finally being able to visit you. I know, all these while, it took a lot to admit, i abandoned you to a certain extent that you stray away from me. and i knew, it was also because of the problems that we both encountered at the same time and we weren't able to be there for each other.

I know now, that everytime you wrote a msg to me, on my fb or texted me, you felt the awkwardness too. i can feel it.

when i read your entry on how u missed your bestfriends (i am not one of them), well, i have to admit, you were the one i was trying to rely on when i was in deep trouble but maybe at that time, you were in need of someone to help you sort things out too. and i did stray away from u too.

i thought we could patch things up when i came to visit u, but maybe some things are just meant to be that way.

oh yes, i do miss the phonecalls. just to chat about almost anything. and the crying on the phone until we just can't say anything but just wept.

i promised i would come and visit you there and i broke that promise. i'm trying to make it up to you and come this year, i will make sure i'll have enuff savings to be there.

i owe u two birthday presents. do claim it from me.

when i saw that jerk the other day and i texted you, i felt the urge to call and talked about the old times, but my phone can't do international call and i am too it-blind to know how. i blame it on myself. i was holding back from msging too many things, because of the distance we both felt. i am trying to patch things up.

and, before i forget, happy belated birthday. i hope you had a great one.

p/s: still have the painting of the girl blowing bubbles? that reminds me of us back on those days in Shah Alam.

XoXo.

friends for REAL.

i have never wished that i will never meet anyone in particular. but now, i do. i wish i never met, never knew, never realize this person existed. for all those things u said and done, u know who you are. both of you. i knew i've been misunderstood by you but all the harsh things are just too much. diam tk semestinya tidak berfikir. accusations on i was taking advantage of you, do the math again, who was stepping on who's head? pijak kepalaaaaa?? i certainly don't need you in my life. and i regretted that i thought you were a good friend of mine. 

btul ape org tua2 ckp..orang selalu lupa bila mereka sudah senang. bila susah dahulu, siapa yg datang tgk, layan dan dtg tgh2 mlm for you? oh well, mende kecik kan? money is so much more important.

people are easily blinded by money and easily change whenever they stumble upon a boulder and usually you can tell they are not the type of friends you would want to keep for life.. 

i'm very glad that the true colours of these people are exposed before me so that i know they're not worth keeping. thank God. really. THANK GOD!

marching in the new chapter.

I just got back from Redang and realized i haven't been blogging in a while. not that i dont have time to blog, but it's just because words don't flow easily these days.

I've been offered a job by Petronas and scheduled to start working on the 1st April 2009. my first two weeks will be in Permata, Bangi and then i will continue at KLCC. i've been offered to work as executive geoscientist (mouthful. just call me akak kerani or akak petrosains). I'm very thankful for this job offer and have accepted the contract with Petronas Carigali. may this be the right thing to do. aminnn.

Aside from that, i'll be going back to Perth for my graduation on the night of 16th march and will arrive the next morning. the plan is to stay for 10 days and recharge all my energy before i start working. my family will be there with me only until the 21st.

now, to whoever reading this, i'm currently looking for a house to rent in KL. so, if u happened to know anything about it, do contact me! thanks a lot guys!



XoXo

the little rascal.

the latest member of the bobby's family (bobby is the big fat orange who acts like the guardian of all my cats)! introducing orange (smaller version of bobby with cuter smile)! now i have four cats since one of them just died today due to virus infection, Sally, the smaller version of Gucci (oh yes, my cat carries a brand!). how sad....but then when my dad picked her from Mesra Mall the other day, her stomach was already swollen., which might imply that she already got some illness b4 she met Gucci. She'll be in good hands now. Aminnn.

here are some pictures of Orange. i'm not sure how old is she but all i know she lovessssssss to manja2. she can't sleep without someone by her side. and she is adorable...okay2..i'll let the photos do the talking. njoy!

she's still sleeping in my arms when i lift her up.

the little orange fur ball.

until then. =)

msia here i am.

it's been almost a month i'm back in msia for good. Alhamdulillah i've been able to catch up with most of my good friends already. the first few weeks in malaysia was hectic. from kerteh to kl, got to see Bird,Nana, Hafeez and Fad,then travelled to tg. malim to see Nada and later i head up to Kuala Kangsar to meet Ami and her family. all in a four days in a row. it was really exhausting but worth the trip.

I managed to catch up and celebrated Nada's birthday with her big family and went to Lost World of Tambun with Ami's sibling along with Harris who is in Ipoh. so, i've kept my words to Ami and Nada that i will see them this year. =) myb there'll be another trip to see them both and next time will be in different places.

The week before that when i was in KL, i got to meet some old school friends as well as i attended the Ansara Rugby at PJ. haha..those guys never change do they. still the same jokes and teases.

right now, i'm travelling back and forth from K.trg to kerteh as i'm trying to get my driving license done asap. then my other plans can be well executed. hehe..cuti2 malaysia lah katekan~

I still haven't got a position in Petronas and still hoping they will call me to serve them cepat2..agk bosan la duduk rumah makan tido. so, Aiman yg kt basin tu, if u read this, suruh mr roberts hire aku! hahaha...

well then, that's it for the time being. oh oh, i have cats! excited gile. haha..i will show them later~

XoXO